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Posts Tagged ‘Humor’

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Psst, Ray, You There? ray-the_dope_hanania

You see this?

Holy shit Ray, is this fucked up or what?

Columnist Says Israel ‘Last Hope’ for Arab Christians Before Total Annihilation

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Driven Ms. Crazy

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If you know anything about Pakistani porn or vaginas then you are quite familiar with my newly nascent opinion of “journalists”

Until there is a reformation, restoration and reconstruction in this industry on the magnitude of what is required of Islam, the scare quotes are justified.

In this day and age of “news” being entertainment and the only news that matters is what pertains to entertainers, forever may the two be conflated, we here at TMQ2 proudly salute,

TED BAXTER: AN AMERICAN HERO

Some little known facts about Ted;

When he asked out the prom queen she shot him down.

His favorite TV show as a kid was Whirlybirds.

He encouraged his daughter to get naked and have public sex for Lena Dunham so he wouldn’t be thought of as a helicopter parent.

He was the inspiration and role model for TV heart-throb Brian Williams.

Brian, in case you haven’t heard, has just been awarded an official TMQ2 invitation to:

SHUT THE FUCK UP

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abbas

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Forget the border fence. We need one built around Ferguson, Missouri and every other ghetto in this country!

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Miss Beatrice, the church organist, was in her eighties and had never been married. She was admired for sweetness and kindness to all. One afternoon the pastor came to call on her and she showed him into her quaint sitting room. She invited him to have a seat while she prepared tea.

As he sat facing her old pump organ, the young minister noticed a cut-glass bowl sitting on top of it. The bowl was filled with water. In the water floated, of all things, a condom! When she returned with tea and scones, they began to chat. The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and its strange floater, but soon it got the better of him and he could no longer resist.

“Miss Beatrice”, he said, “I wonder if you would tell me about this?” pointing to the bowl.

“Oh, yes” she replied, “isn’t it wonderful? I was walking through the park a few months ago and I found this little package on the ground. The directions said to place it on the organ, keep it wet and that it would prevent the spread of disease. And, you know, I haven’t been sick all winter.”

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A husband and wife are shopping in their local Grocery Store.

The husband picks up a case of Budweiser and puts it in the cart.

“What do you think you’re doing?” asks the wife.

“They’re on sale, only $10 for 24 cans” he replies.

“Put them back, we can’t afford them”, demands the wife.

They carry on with their shopping.

A few aisles further on, the woman picks up a $20 jar of face cream and puts it in the basket.

“What do you think you’re doing?” asks the husband.

“It’s my face cream. It makes me look beautiful,” replies the wife.

Her husband retorts, “So does 24 cans of Budweiser and it’s half the price.”

That’s him on Aisle 5.

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WHEN I WAS A BOY. . .

The Good Old Days

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