I'm Shlomo, I speak to God.
Actually, God does most of the speaking and half the time I'm not even listening. Probably more than half the time.
Once he invited me to write his biography. Said I could have an exclusive. Only limits He would place on me was I had to give tmq2 an exclusive. I was mightily tempted. So I thought, what could hurt, I wouldn't agree to anything at first, but I would follow Him around one day. See if I could get an idea of what His routine entails. Granted, one day wasn't going to be a very statistically significant sample. One day out of how many billions and billions of days? I figured, what the hey, Rome wasn't built in a day. So I followed him around. With my luck I should have known, of all days, I had to pick the one when all He did was surf the Internet.
It's not like it was a total bust. At least I learned why He has little time for anything else. And I learned how He knows what's happening everywhere all the time. And, before I left, I asked him what he thought were some of his proudest achievements. That gave me a window into his soul.
And I asked him, what kind of God did He think He was considering all it took was a few guys to kill him with a handful of nails? He laughed and told me not to believe everything in the New Testament. And he told me a secret about the Pope.
I loved it that the real God didn't talk in riddles, thank God.
He said, in addition to thanking Him, I should thank natural selection for all the wisdom it has been bestowed upon me.
And he complimented me on my pen name. He seemed to know why I write with the name Shlomo, instead of my real name, which is UberShlomo. He liked that I'm so modest. And, in the interests of full disclosure, I feel I must tell you that God ghost writes over half of what I take credit for. All I do is dumb it down so an oversexed 5th grader can understand it.
Shlomo Muslim, BS, MA, MBA, PhD, GHS (GHS = God's Humble Servant)