I am officially declaring my candidacy for the office of Prezzydent of these United States of Amerryca on the Right To Party party.
I will bore you to tears with incessant and incoherent rhetoric and platitudes.
My campaign will be filled with more double talk than Al Kelly could dream of.
I promise to obfuscate any issue more complex than apple pie and motherhood.
That means I owe it to you the people to skirt any and every topic beyond the scope of my limited mental capacity.
I will dedicate myself with every fiber of my being to tell you exactly what you want to hear while working with all my strength to further my station in life even if it means suffering the consequences of my own pockets being lined.
This country has an exceptional history that deserves only someone with an ego as inflated as mine, with movie star looks as well.
So, my fellow Amerrycans, elect me and I promise I will not send your sons abroad.
They will have to find their own just like I do.