Posts Tagged ‘Jesus’
A Christmas Message from Jesus
by JESUS H. CHRIST
Well, it’s that time of year again.
Peace on Earth and Goodwill Towards Men as we jockey for position on check out lines and slug-fest our way to grab the last PlayStation 3, or whatever the toy of the year is.
I always get a little depressed before my birthday, but this year I find myself overcome with one of the deadly seven sins — envy.
How can this be?
As I look back on the year, all I can think about is how much Muslims do for Mohammed: Kidnappings, beheadings, murder of non-believers, murdering fellow Muslims, homicide bombings; I get dizzy from all the honor bestowed on my esteemed colleague. It’s a litany of acts that go above and beyond anything Christians have done for me lately.
Where is the Sword of Christ for Christ sakes?
Are Christians still buying into that turn the other cheek prank?
Think back a few short years to what was done to Jews for my sake. I can’t even get a speck of Onward Christians Soldiers when it comes to Islamofascists.
Is it because the Jews were no threat and easy to pick on?
Now there is a threat to Christianity unseen since Roman lions in the coliseum and I can’t even get a “Hoorah” from any one.
Are Christians too busy these days marveling at the miracle of my image appearing in someone’s mashed potatoes?
I’m one-third of the frickin’ Trinity.
If I’m going to make an appearance, it will be something grander and more concrete than putting my face in a bowl of soup.
Don’t worry so much about putting Christ back in Christmas. I would have a happier birthday if people put Christ up the poop shoot of jihadists before Christmas itself is subject to laws of dhimmitude world-wide.
Blessed are the peacemakers, and I’m talking about 50-caliber peacemakers. Celebrate my birthday by standing up to Islamofascism any chance you get. It’s the best present any Son of God could ask for.
Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night… wait… that’s Santa’s line.
OK. Just Merry Christmas.
Originally posted at the TMQ1 site by Jesus H. Christ – 12/20/2006 12:18:00 PM
It’s the Christmas season, so godless liberals are citing the Bible to demand the redistribution of income by government force. Didn’t Jesus say, “Blessed are the Health and Human Services bureaucrats, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven”?
Liberals are always indignantly accusing conservatives of claiming God is on our side. What we actually say is: We’re on God’s side, particularly when liberals are demanding God’s banishment from the public schools, abortion on demand, and taxpayer money being spent on Jesus submerged in a jar of urine and pictures of the Virgin Mary covered with pornographic photos.
But for liberals like Al Franken, it’s beyond dispute that Jesus would support extending federal unemployment insurance.
This has absolutely nothing to do with the Bible, but it does nicely illustrate Shakespeare’s point that the “devil can cite Scripture for his purpose.” (more…)
A Republican walked into a bar and asked the bartender, “Isn’t that Jesus
over there?” When the bartender said “Yes,” the Republican sent over a
drink. “Put it on my tab,” he said.
A little later a Libertarian walked in. “Say,” he said, “Isn’t that
Jesus sitting over there?” The barman said, “Yes,” so the Libertarian
sent over a hamburger.
Presently a Democrat showed up, noticed Jesus and sent over a plate of
Jesus soon left. On his way out he stopped to talk to the Republican.
“Thanks for the drink,” he said; “It was really good. Is there anything
I can do for you?” “Well,” said the Republican, “I’m facing knee
surgery…” “Don’t say another word,” said Jesus as he laid a hand on
the man’s knee. “You are healed.”
Jesus came to the Libertarian and said, “Thanks for the hamburger. It
was really good. Is there anything I can do for you?” “Well,” said the
Libertarian, “I have cataracts…” Jesus placed his fingers on the man’s
eyes and said, “You are healed.”
Finally, Jesus came to the Democrat. He thanked him for the fries and
offered him any help he needed. “Don’t touch me!” shouted the Democrat,
“I’m on Disability!!”
Posted in Shlomo Muslim PhD, tagged Antichrist, Apostle Paul, Christ, Christianity, give thanks, giving thanks, Hebrew Bible, Israel, Jerusalem, Jesus, Judaism, Messiah, Moshiach, Shlomo Muslim PhD, Temple, Temple Mount, Thanksgiving, Thessalonians on November 27, 2008 | 9 Comments »
Wait no longer for the Antichrist, for the Antichrist has come. In II Thessalonians, the Apostle Paul told that the coming of the Messiah would be preceded by the revelation of the Antichrist who would come and sit in the Temple of God posing as God.
Well folks, that’s already happened! Jesus came. He went to the Temple. And thanks to 1.5 billion believers, without a doubt we can say he was the false one, the one who thousands of millions would falsely believe was God, or God’s son, or whatever.
It took almost 2,000 years, but now the believers are beginning to see their mistake. How they twisted the words of the Hebrew Bible to mean something different, and how they turned Jesus into something he wasn’t.
Now we see the “Christ” was actually the Antichrist.
This is good news!
For this news we should all give thanks.
Dedicated to Shlomo Muslim PhD, Lawrence of Bessarabia and Word-Drum, because I’m the only one who was raised Christian around here…
I can also walk on water, as long as I know where the rocks are.
Posted in Shlomo Muslim PhD, tagged anti-Gentilism, Bashing Gentiles, endangered, extinct, Jeremiah, Jesus, non-Jew nations, Palm Sunday, Persian nobility, Shlomo Muslim PhD, Syrian onager, TMQ2, Wild ass on November 12, 2008 | 5 Comments »
Remember the ass on which Jesus rode into Jerusalem?
It was Palm Sunday, or that’s what Christians call it now. Christians celebrate Palm Sunday, and whenever they get the chance they visit all the places where Jesus is reputed to have visited during his life.
Unfortunately, Christians haven’t been as Christian when it comes to remembering the ass on which Jesus rode into Jerusalem. That ass was a Syrian onager, which was hunted for sport by the Persian nobility for many centuries. Young onagers were captured and bred for riding animals. What you probably didn’t learn from your good reverend on Palm Sunday is the Syrian onager of Jesus fame is now extinct. It was hunted to death for meat.
Don’t think the Jews did it. They don’t hunt down such animals for food. Such food isn’t Kosher. In the wild, in some places where the Syrian onager used to live, now the Persian onager lives, and it too is seriously endangered.
If you want to find writings predating Jesus about such animals, check out Jeremiah 2:24, where he speaks of the “wild ass used to the wilderness, that snuffeth up the wind in her desire…”
Posted in Louis Farrakhan, Obama, Shlomo Muslim PhD, tagged Allah, anointed, Christ, Farrakhan, God, Jesus, Louis Farrakhan, Messiah, Obama, Paul, Prophet, Shlomo Muslim PhD, TMQ2 on October 28, 2008 | 2 Comments »
Francophiles often have the name Franc. Ezra Pound’s last name was Pound. Lots of Germans are named Mark or Herr Marx. Jews and Gentiles alike. But in America no one is named Mr. Dollar. Lots of people named William are called Bill. Even the Dollar and the Buffalo are called Bill. But why, in a proud country of over 300 million, is no one, Jew or Gentile, named Mr. Dollar?
Perhaps it’s for the same reason that Paul rarely called Jesus merely Jesus. He always preferred to call him either “Jesus Christ” or “Christ Jesus,” or “the Lord Jesus Christ.” When Paul called Jesus “Christ,” he meant Jesus was the man on Earth through whom God was working. The “Christ” title is the Greek form of the Hebrew word meaning anointed (messiah).
Wasn’t it Louis Farrakhan, former leader of the NOI (Nation of Islam) who called Barack Obama “The Anointed One”?
Although the anointed one can refer to a king or to someone anointed to rule for God, when referring to a man the term is usually used to mean a man who has a special role to play in the purpose of God. When Louis Farrakhan talks about God, he’s talking about Allah. And when he speaks of Obama, he means, he, Farrakhan is a prophet, and he is telling us that Obama’s role is to fulfill Allah’s purposes here on Earth.
Question: Who was the first to say, “Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself”?
Answer: If you thought it was Jesus or Hillel, think again. In Leviticus 19:18 and Leviticus 19:34 attribution goes to none other than the Lord, who told Moses to say this to the Children of Israel.