Ahmadinejad: Iran’s King Tit — The Big Boob

King Kong, King Tut, King Tit

What’s the difference? They’re all big apes. They all have nipples. And like each of them, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad sucks. But we’ll get to him later.

Earlier this week it was Yom Hashoah, the day Jews remember all those who died during the Holocaust. That was also the day the South Korean-American with the Muslim Ishmail’s name tattoed on his arm went on a killing spree at Virginia Tech so he could live on in infamy.

Easter had barely come and gone. Passover started just 5 days before Easter and was still going during Easter. And 28 days before Passover was Purim. Purim is a holiday that remembers a douche-bag in Iran from way back when.

By remembering history, we observe and analyze our patterns of behavior.

Talking about human behavior, looming large on the horizon these days is Iran’s Big Boob, King Tit. Like Cho, Iran is bigger in our minds than it deserves to be. But it’s in the news because like Cho, it’s been a very bad boy.

This is not to diminish Iran in any way. Just in size, the place is huge. Iraq is the size of California, and you can put a bunch of Iraqs inside Iran. Unlike Iraq, that at the start of the most recent war on its territory that began when Saddam Hussein was still the bad boy there, Iran has far more Muslims in Toto. Before the war, Iraq had a population of about 24 million. That’s dropped by over 10% due to people leaving the country largely for Iran, Syria and Jordan.

Iraq has more dry sand than China and North and South Korea have tea. Iran’s got mountains and everything else you’d want if you had to pick a huge spot to live for a few thousand years.

In addition, Iran’s population is almost the size of Russia. And unlike Russia, Iran is just itching for a war.

Iran’s people were getting sick and tired of the mullahs pushing them around. The U.S. figured it was just a matter of time before Iran would get its act in order and everything there would start getting “moderate” and reasonable.

However, the mullahs saw the same thing we did. They knew their people loved us a lot more than they loved the towel-heads (that’s really what Iranians call the religious freaks who keep trying to call all the shots). Realizing the young disenfranchised Iranians were going to get with the program and kick the mullahs out, the mullahs decided to head their exit off at the pass.

That’s why the mullahs stuck President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad in there… to stoke anti-Iranian embers outside in an effort to force America, U.K, Russia, China and the EU’s hand. You see, the mullahs figured the only way they had a chance of staying in power would be if they could get everyone rallying around the President (which in this case would be equivalent to getting everyone rallying around the mullahs).

Here’s their plan: They had been working on creating a nuclear bomb for years. Khomeini got the program off the ground, figuring what would be better for radical Islam than the bomb?

Then America went into Afghanistan and castrated the Taliban. Next, America went into Iraq and castrated the Baath Party. With Saddam’s henchmen all gone, and Saddam and sons 6 feet underground, and with Iran safely surrounded by our military, we hoped Iran would get its act in order without us having to go in there and piss the populace off.

Our guys in Washington were smart enough to know it would be helpful to outsmart the stupid mullahs who play dangerous games that you might have thought “holy” men wouldn’t play. Unfortunately, when it comes to Muslims, all is fair in the name of Allah, blah, blah, blah.

As time is being played out, we’re seeing more and more that Iran is hell bent on playing the game the same way Saddam played his hand. Iran wants to force America to bomb it.

Iran figures it can’t lose. It wins if we don’t bomb and it wins if we do. If we do bomb, Iran wins because the disenfranchised youth will rally around the mullahs.

If we don’t bomb, Iran gets the bomb and can bomb Israel, get bombed back, and again Iran’s mullahs benefit from the rally around whatever is left of the nationalistic feeling in the proud Iran, that used to be the proud Persia, that’s never really been much of anything since the Jews used to live there.

And that’s my segue for getting back to Purim, the holiday I said Jews celebrated shortly before Christians celebrated Easter.

Purim is a holiday when Jews remember what happened to us in Persia 2600 years ago. The scene for much of the holiday is set in Shushan. The Persian king is known around the world as Xerxes (that’s the Greek). In Hebrew he’s called Achashveros.

The story is no less amazing than any of the other stories Jews remember. The way Jews celebrate Purim involves reading or hearing someone else read the scroll of Esther. It’s short, about 10 pages. The main characters are King Achashveros, Queen Vashti, Haman (the bad guy), Mordechai, and Queen Esther (she doesn’t start out being the queen and before the king calls her Esther, her name is Hadassah, which is the name of the myrtle plant).

There are so many amazing twists and turns in the story that’s told in the Book of Esther, it’s another kick ass testament to what makes the Hebrew Bible and associated writings so much more than just a history book. The Hebrew Bible is great on just about every level. Literary, historic, religious, you name it, it’s a great read. I guess that’s why it’s still in print.

Few Christians ever give Purim much notice, even though Jesus and his merry band of disciples were all Hebes. I guess if it happened before Jesus was born, most Christians figure it hardly counts, since that’s all ancient history (it happened before the Christian era).

So many good Christians actually believe such stories were contemporaneous with the dinosaurs. Hence, the difference between something that took place thousands of years ago or millions years ago hardly matters, just as long as you love Jesus.

Who do they think they’re kidding anyway? Just as the mullahs lie to the Muslims and think they can get away with it, the Holy Roman Church is still lying to the Catholics and getting away with it. The Holy Roman Empire died long ago, and its religion died before it did. But thanks to Constantine, in a hail Mary pass it switched from Roman Gods to the Jewish God and announced it was now following the Messiah, even if he wasn’t the Messiah. After all, what kind of Messiah comes, gets killed, and never finishes the job?

I’ll tell you. A false messiah.

And that’s exactly what Jesus was, but no one wants to admit it.

Just like the Muslims don’t want to admit Mohammad was a false prophet… A not-for-prophet.

I don’t know if you’ve ever noticed, but this human nature thing never ends. As long as there will be humans, we’re going to play the same jerk-off games we’ve always played. And our “holy” men will go on lying to us.

Hitler wasn’t the first or the last. Hussein wasn’t the first or the last. Ahmadinejad wasn’t the first or the last. And surely, Haman wasn’t the first or the last.

Shortly before Hitler put a bullet through his head, kind of like Cho the Korean-American of ill-repute did earlier this week, Hitler said if the Nazis failed and were stopped, the Jews could celebrate the Nazi demise on Purim.

It was nice of Hitler to decide the Jews could remember him on Purim. As it so happened, the Jews decided to keep Purim a merry day when we all celebrate how Haman ended up biting the big one, and instead, Yom Hashoah is the Holocaust Remembrance Day.

Unlike Yom Hashoah, Purim is a holiday when Jews are supposed to drink so much they can’t tell the difference between Haman and Mordechai. That’s a fact. Purim is when we sing, “Oh today we’ll merry merry be…”

Just like Cho sent his video and manifesto to NBC, all of today’s two-bit Muslim dictators and their side-kicks are constantly in the act of turning every little nefarious scheme into a media event. Cho may have preferred NBC’s mailing address because it took fewer stamps, just as OBL sends his videos to al Jazeera to save on the postage.

Yet no matter how many stamps their parcels require, in the end these dick-heads are interested in one thing and one thing only. They want to be on the front page of the New York Times and they want to be remembered for thousands of years.

Ahmadinejad, like so many others, figures what better way to be remembered than to kill the people who will outlive everyone else, and who remember everything?

Thus, they set out to kill the Jews and be remembered and hailed as the great ones who killed tons of Jews, as if that’s an accomplishment. What’s the big deal?

Is actually doing something good for your own people as ignominious a way to go as they think?

Will Islamofascists be revered for longer than great Arab statesmen?

Great Arab statesmen, what a joke. I think that’s the first and second time in the history of Arabs that those 3 words were ever uttered together.

You might think that Arabs, with a religion as great as they all maintain, and with all that land, all those people, all those resources, all that oil, money, influence, and arms, you’d think Arabs might have done something for their people, and maybe they might have even gotten around to doing something for the world. Not a chance.

Forget about all the great discoveries that the Jews continually come up with. You’d think with so many Arabs and so much money, they might have invented something that makes life easier for the average Mo.

But the Arabs couldn’t even invent a shopping cart, which by the way was invented by Sylvan N. Goldman in 1937. You got it, even he wasn’t an Arab or a Muslim. Sylvan was Jewish.

So what have the Muslims done for us or for themselves lately? Have they done anything to help the world, humanity, nature, science, or their own weird religion? Nada.

And now we’ve got Iran’s Muslims pulling the same shit. More same as same as. When’s it going to stop?

It’s not going to stop, ever, as long as there are humans, because this is how we are. It’s built in the genes of the masses to act like double-barrelled douche-bag mullahs, and the only thing we can do about it is what we did to Saddam, Hitler, Mussolini, and Topo Jijo.

That’s why I think killing Ahmadinejad and creating a huge mess for the Iranians and then dealing with the years of backwash is just the cost of doing business.

In the end, who misses Idi Amin? Or Papa Doc? Or Panama’s strongman, Manuel Noriega? And when Castro’s gone, who’s going to miss him? Nobody.

That’s right, because these guys are all big fat nobodies. And the sooner they’re pushed aside the better for all of us.

You think the world benefitted by letting Hitler play his games another 10 years? No fucking way.

Same thing with Ahmadinejad. You give him and his nuclear scientists and nuclear factories nothing but time, you’re going to have to kiss a minimum of another 50 million people goodbye. 50 million good people. Why wait for that?

Shlomo Muslim, Ph.D. is an an award-winning scientist and writer whose publishers refuse to be intimidated by those doing their best to silence him. And he’s hung like a horse…a very small horse.